Concerns

Ahh, yes, I will miss my friends, family, work peeps, house, pets, Kitchen Aid Mixer, gingerbread lattes, etc., etc., but what am I really the MOST worried about, you ask?  Is it acclimating to a new culture where I don’t speak the language?  No.  Navigating my way around the largest city in Europe?  No.  Being alone in a huge city with no safety net?  No.

Well, what could possibly be keeping me up at night?  Here goes.

My Eyebrows
I spent a significant portion of my youth with the ever-popular Brooke Shields eyebrow look (no judgment – it was the 70s) which, while enjoyable at the time, in retrospect was likely not the best look for me.  After that I went on the brow-roller coaster of overly-plucked, to overly-arched, to overly-Joan Crawford….and back again.  Finally, after years of trial and error I have achieved the perfect arch.  Lovely.  How?, you ask.  The fine art of threading.  What is threading?  Threading is an ancient art of hair removal which originated in India and, you guessed it, involves pulling the hair out with a thread.  Painful?  You betcha.  Worth every second?  Absolutely.

So, shortly after finding an appropriate school for my son SJ (age 9), I began googling “eyebrow threading in Paris.”  The next logical thing to locate, right?  Apparently, there is an Indian hair salon in the 5^th District that does threading for only 5 euros – bargain!  The Paris Dad did not find this to be an appropriate use of time during our house hunting visit.  Apparently opening an international bank account takes precedence over eyebrow threading.

For the record, The Paris Dad has never seen the Brooke Shields look.  I am guessing he would shift priorities if he had.  Now I need to figure out how to say, “I don’t want Pamela Anderson’s eyebrows” in French.

Netflix
I have been known, from time to time, to watch movies and television shows on Netflix.  I ditched the high cable bill years ago and have since become addicted to watching copious amounts of The Tudors, Mad Men, Animal Hoarders (you know you love seeing the woman with 96 cats, don’t lie), Everest, and practically every wonderfully trashy television show ever made –although I draw the line at The Real Housewives of ANYWHERE.  I come from a long line of insomniacs, so watching bad television is really a genetic predisposition.  It comes with the territory.

So, as I was Netflix-less last week in Paris, I decided to explore my television options.  (Aside: Netflix does not stream in Europe.  I tried.  Desperately.  No Hulu either.  Apparently there is something called a Slingbox that may work.  It sounds too much like a Billy Bob Thornton movie for me to investigate in my fragile state.)

Option One: French Television.
Well, you all know I can order off a menu seamlessly, but watching a television show proved to be a bit difficult (read: migraine inducing).  However, I found one of those painfully boring nature shows that I would never, ever watch in English without making crude jokes – you know the ones where everything is whispered veeeerrrrrryyy sllllooooowwwwlllly.  Well, turns out this is a great asset when you are learning a new language!  I was able to pick out words: wild dog – grass – horse – rain!  Well, that kept me entertained for about 6 minutes.  This isn’t bad and actually about 5 minutes and 45 seconds longer than I would have watched the English version.

Option Two: BBC News.
99 days until the Olympics. 2012 Summer Olympics. Frontrunners in the Olympics. Food available at the Olympics. How the Olympics affects Hackney. Debt caused by the Olympics. Crowds because of the Olympics. Tourism revenue associated with the Olympics. Medal projections for the Olympics. 98 days until the Olympics. Beverages to be sold at the Olympics. Olympic stadium construction. Athlete arrival at the Olympics. Was too much spent on the Olympics? 97 days until the Olympics.

Uh, no.

Option Three: Cartoon Network.
Yes, the same Cartoon Network with the same delightful shows that American parents have come to love (Johnny Test, Ben 10, Chowder, Clone Wars (gag), Pokemon, Tom and Jerry)!  I can watch this, right?  I see these shows all the time at home, and am actually somewhat fond of Chowder.  Hooray!  But, wait.  It is all dubbed in French.  Dang.  Although watching General Grievous speak French is totally worth the price of admission.

Guess I’d better download another book on the Nook.

Mexican Food
Europe has not yet learned or discovered the joys of Mexican food.  Now I know I will be in Paris and surrounded by all sorts of delightful and delicious cuisine from all over Europe.  But sometimes I just gotta have some guacamole.  Now my homemade guacamole is pretty good, but it is never served with fresh, crispy tortilla chips fresh out of the deep fryer and a margarita the size of my head.  And this does not exist in France. Prior to departure, I did eat a rather obscene amount of guacamole at Rick Bayless' Frontera Express at O'Hare Airport (all comments regarding my profound disappointment of Rick opening a fast food joint at an airport will be reserved for a later date) and The Paris Dad almost lost a finger when he tried to hone in on my chips.

So, as you go out in the US and enjoy your Mexican food….think of me and have another margarita in my honor. And another basket of chips. With guac.

Gracias.


And for you Rick Bayless fans, my BFF (who, for the purposes of maintaining anonymity in this blog since soon the whole world will be following, will be refered to as Annette Benning -- as in American President Annette Benning) and I came shoulder to shoulder close with Rick Bayless once as I was getting cash out of an ATM. Annette just kept whispering, "It's him, it's him." And we giggled like schoolgirls. Yeah, that day rocked.